Labor Day!

So, I’ve been missing for a while, but there is a good reason behind it!

We had our second baby! This labor was completely different than Greyson’s labor.

Here’s how it went down.

I was miserable the last few weeks of pregnancy.

My whole pregnancy, I measured ahead, belly wise and baby wise. With Greyson, I gained 45 lbs., this pregnancy I only gained 30, but I was 10000x more uncomfortable. I was allllll belly!

In addition to having a big measuring baby, I also was diagnosed with polyhydramnios, and consistently had excess amniotic fluid. So, you can imagine that my belly was large and in charge.

At one point, I was asked if I was having more than one baby. I was not very happy.

Anyways, I was miserable. I had terrible acid reflux (which I had to take Zantac to control), this baby boy lived in my rib cage, which made any position uncomfortable, I was chasing around a toddler all day, I was an emotional wreck because I was so ready to be done with being pregnant.

At my 32-week ultrasound, our baby boy weighed in at 5 lbs. 14 oz., Greyson measured that at 34 weeks, so he was ahead of the game. We had another ultrasound at 36 weeks, where he was measuring 8 lbs. 8 oz., which was 6 oz. bigger than Greyson was at birth! We were told to expect a baby between 9-10 lbs. if the ultrasound was right, but we were also informed that ultrasound could be off by up to 1 lb. Everyone thought that the ultrasound must be off.

So, at my 39 week appointment, we scheduled induction for 10/26, the day before my due date. I was only at 1 cm, high, and thick. Unfortunately, on Monday, the doctor called me and told me that because I wasn’t dilated enough, the hospital rejected my induction. I cried. I bawled. I was very upset. So, we changed and scheduled induction for 10/28, we would go in 10/27 at 8 pm. Throughout the week, I noticed that I had (totally TMI, I know) my bloody show coming out.

We were all in the midst of battling nasty colds, but decided on Wednesday (10/26) night to take Greyson trick-or-treating in town, since we didn’t have much time left as just the 3 of us!

I texted my mom at 9:30 p.m., and said “Wouldn’t it be funny if my water broke?”. Apparently the coughing from the cold did the trick. Because Thursday, 10/27, at 1:45 in the morning, I slowly woke up to change positions again and felt a small trickle. I asked my husband to turn the lights on, because I thought my water broke. He jumped from his sleep and was asking me if I was kidding. I sat up and felt a huge gush of water, so I ran (more like waddle running) to the bathroom to grab a towel. Yep, it was definitely my water! So, we called my parents, who came to stay with Greyson for the night. We headed into the hospital after calling the doctor.

When we got to the hospital, I was 2 cm., 80% effaced, and -3 station. We waited on/off for contractions until they started pitocin at 6:45 am. I did my breathing techniques as long as I could. They came in a lot to up the pitocin. I ended up getting stadol when I was 4.5 cm, which only worked for about an hour. When I got rechecked, they said I was 5-6 cm, so I asked for the epidural.

Here’s the worst part of my story. I was getting the epidural, when the anesthesiologist accidentally nicked the sac of cerebrospinal fluid and it started leaking. So, he had to pick a different spot on my back to re-do the epidural. Once that one was in place, it was heaven. I couldn’t feel anything except mild pressure from the contractions. But, then he explained that I might get a headache from the leaking fluid. If that happened, I would need a blood patch, which you’ll hear about later. The baby didn’t respond well to the epidural, I needed the oxygen mask the rest of my labor. I had to flip back and forth constantly to keep his heart rate up. I was scared because of his heart rate dipping, plus my blood pressure was down to 80/50 at one point. They said it was normal because of the epidural.

I waited and waited and waited. I had a ton of pressure down below, but was only 7 cm. I wanted to cry from the pressure, because I felt ready to push, but it wasn’t time yet. I had trembles from the epidural so bad that my teeth were chattering. Time passed slowly and my doctor was supposed to leave at 5, but she stayed. I was so lucky to have the amazing doctor that I did. She stayed and did paperwork while I waited to finish dilating. She came in at 6:40p.m. to check me. When I heard her say, “Let’s have a baby, his head is right there!”, I think I wanted to cry tears of joy.

She suited up, we had the nurses in the room, we were all ready! I had to push hard for him, I could feel a lot more pressure this time around, especially when he came out. It wasn’t painful, but I could feel that I had to push longer and harder to get him out when the contractions came. But, with 3 contractions and 7 minutes total, I pushed him out. Baby Ethan Andre was born at 6:52p.m.

It was amazing, looking at his face when they put him up on me. Throughout the pushing, I heard the nurses say, “That’s a big baby! Look at those cheeks!”. He came out grunting!  He didn’t cry much, he just made this adorable grunting noise. My mom asked my doctor, “What do you think he weighs?”, her response, “I think this might be close to 10 lbs!”

Normally, they wait until 2 hours after delivery to weigh the baby because they want the mom to have skin to skin, but no one could wait with our big boy. He was 10 lbs. 1 oz, 21 inches long!

 

So, the ultrasound was not off! We had a big baby! I pushed 10 lbs. out in 7 minutes. He did his damage and re-tore my second degree tear from my first labor, which needed to be all stitched up again.

The real hard part came after labor.

It was after 9 p.m., when my husband went to finally go pick up some food (having not eaten any solids since dinner the day beforehand). I ended up needing another bag of pitocin because of the bleeding.

I tried to sleep, while they took the baby to the nursery. I still had the trembles, I felt nauseous, and my back was in a ton of pain.

They had just brought the baby back to our room, my husband tried to feed me some french toast he picked up from Perkins. Two bites in, I couldn’t do it. I told the nurse I felt like I was going to be sick, she left to get anti-nausea medication.

But it was too late and I got sick twice all over the floor. She came back and checked my temperature, it was 101.8. I felt better after getting sick and she told me I should try to get a shower so I could go down to the postpartum room. I tried sitting in the shower, but I couldn’t move my back, I couldn’t twist or bend because of the pain and the water was freezing. I sat there for about 3 minutes before having my husband help me out. I couldn’t walk down to the postpartum room, I had to be wheeled down.

I got into the bed and cried from the amount of pain in my back. I literally couldn’t move. The one nurse had brought baby Ethan in to breastfeed, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t turn to feed him, because of my back. We ended up having them give him formula. They gave me pain medications to help. The anesthesiologist came in a few times to check on me, as did my doctor, and they were amazed by the amount of pain I was in. I had a huge migraine headache when I was anywhere close to sitting up and I was mainly laying flat on my back. I needed to be on a muscle relaxer, pain medications, and an anti-inflammatory drug to be anywhere close to normal. By Saturday, we were hoping to be discharged, but I was still in bad shape. I ended up needing the blood patch, for which my anesthesiologist and another one came in as well.

What they needed to do was take 20 mL of blood from my arm (which is a lot!), they literally went back into the failed epidural spot, and put the blood in to help heal the spot a little faster. It seemed to have worked and we were discharged around 4:30 p.m. on Saturday. I felt great to be home. Until the medications wore off.

Sunday morning, I couldn’t move again. My back was in such pain, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I laid there and cried. It felt like every muscle in my back was pulled. My husband needed to go to the hospital to pick up a prescription for the pain medication, and I ended up being on the pain medication, the anti-inflammatory, and the muscle relaxer while I was at home. So, Sunday and Monday, I just laid in bed and slept. I couldn’t do anything. I felt so bad for my husband, who took care of our 19-month old and our newborn. I couldn’t do anything except breastfeed him. My husband would bring him to our bed, I would turn to my side (with a ton of help), and nurse him. My husband would take him back after he was done feeding. His latch was painful and he had hard time staying latched to nurse. I would just lay there and cry because I felt like crap, I couldn’t interact with my toddler or my newborn. It was not how I pictured it being. Monday, my husband ended up taking Ethan to his first doctor’s appointment, where we discovered he had a pretty bad tongue tie, which is why he had a harder time breastfeeding, which is getting snipped tomorrow. I couldn’t go, so I couldn’t have them assess his latch or anything.

My parents came over and helped him as much as they could. We were told that I might need another blood patch, because anytime I stood up, to use the bathroom, I felt a huge migraine come on and I felt lightheaded, even from just sitting up on the bed.

Tuesday was my turning point. I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. I finally got out of bed and stayed downstairs most of the day. I finally felt a little better. I couldn’t do much, but I at least sat downstairs. Wednesday, I felt a little better. It continued and now, at almost two weeks postpartum, I am finally feeling 90% better. My back is still sore and I am not allowed to lift over 10 lbs. (pretty much, I can lift Ethan), which is very hard considering Greyson is around 27 lbs. My husband has been going in to work late and coming home early. My parents have been over pretty much every day to help me out with both of the boys, considering I was down and out for a while!

I am so blessed to have their help and support, because I don’t know what we would have done without them. I am also blessed to have such an amazing husband, who took on a single parent role while I couldn’t do anything. I feel so lucky that I was able to recover fairly quickly, because the headache can last 4-6 weeks, but I don’t have it at all anymore. My back is still a little sore, but I may have broken the rules about not lifting my toddler a few times.

I am so lucky to have my boys.

And we are so lucky that we have another beautiful, healthy baby.

Welcome to the world, Ethan Andre.

You are so very loved.

How to deal with Exhaustion

I am very, very lucky.

With Greyson, I had about a week of nausea and was tired in both the first and third trimesters, and developed a little heartburn right at the very end, but that was the extent of symptoms in my pregnancy. I didn’t have any morning sickness or anything terrible.

Now, it was also easier when I was pregnant with Greyson, because I didn’t have a little one to chase around. I could nap freely and however long I wanted to. I didn’t have to put anyone else before myself. So, this time around is a little different.

I am once again, very, very lucky, that all I have felt so far (at almost 8 weeks), is exhaustion. It’s a little worse this time around, but I’d imagine it’s because I’m working more (20-30 hours a week), trying to keep the house from going to complete chaos, and chasing around a rambunctious little 11-month (dare I say, almost 1-year!) old.

My little boy is revved up and raring to go all the time, so the naps are a lot shorter and only come once a day. I’m very lucky that on the days that I do not work (and I either have off or work at night), I can normally nap with him. We can go lay in the bed and I can nurse him (because I’ve almost made it to a year!) until he goes to sleep, so I can nap too!

One of the biggest changes is learning to compromise. I know that there is a ton of work that needs to be done. Dishes and bottles line our sink some days, other days the laundry piles are coming out of the hamper, and some days I just lay on the couch and watch him playing to try to get a little rest in.

My husband is the best when it comes to helping out. He really tries to help out at night when Greyson still wakes up, he does the dishes (or tries) when I work at night, and yesterday, he helped me finish the laundry.

To me, it’s more worth the nap time and relaxing that I’ll get now, because the chores can wait, at least until tomorrow. Once this first trimester is over, I’m sure I’ll be a little better about getting stuff done. Once I’m in my last trimester, I’m sure I’ll be in full blown nesting mode and be ready to clean everything in sight.

For now though, it’s important that I stay healthy and well-rested, because growing a human is hard work! I want to take the time to enjoy this pregnancy. I enjoyed Greyson’s, but now that he’s almost 1, it’s just a reality check about how fast time flies and how much I want to really be able to appreciate these upcoming years as our family is expanding and changing. It’s an amazing thing and my family is my biggest blessing.

Positively False.

I have to say, that I am a very emotional person. I may not always come across it, but I am. Besides crying every time those darn Sarah McLachlan ASPCA ads come on TV, I know the first times that my son was sick, I could feel my heart racing, like it was going to beat out of my chest, I held him tight, and tried not to lose it.

The first time he threw up, he looked up at me with huge eyes, tears welling up and reached out for me. I started crying, because I felt terrible, as a parent, all you want to do is to be able to protect and help your kids.

So, you can imagine what a mess I was when I got a false positive on the First Response “Early Result” curved handle test.

I will admit, it was totally my fault. Why?

Because I looked after the time “expiration”. Those tests only have a good result time of 3-10 minutes. After that, the result is not valid.

So, I have a habit of looking (even though I also look during the “good” time period) afterwards. Ironically, every other test (including the curved handle ones) had all been negative and stayed negative, not even a glimpse of a line.

This time, it had a clear second pink line. I tried to contain any excitement, fears, concerns, hope, and disappointment I had.

I was excited because my husband and I are not actively trying (yet!). We are not trying, not preventing. I’m nervous because of having PCOS and hypothyroidism. We honestly hit the baby jackpot with our little guy, because he was a surprise. I had only been off of birth control for 3 months and he literally happened on our wedding night. I had no idea until I took a test 3 weeks later and it was a clear, clear positive. We were so lucky that we didn’t even have to think about trying with him. Prior to that, we had long talks about how we would give it a year, if that didn’t work, we would need to discuss further action. Even though a year is a long time, it’s something that is always going to weigh in the back of any woman’s mind. Further action. It’s something wrong with me. It’s my fault if we can’t have a baby.

I’ve been there and I’ve thought those thoughts. I had even looked at IVF prior to having our son, just in case. We were blessed.

But now? Now, I’m going through those same stages all over again. It’s hard, because we don’t want to wait long. While we know that I was able to conceive, we want to be able to have another baby. Those same thoughts are weighing on my mind again. It’s almost anxiety inducing every time I think about it. Every time I see people posting ultrasounds, posting pregnancy announcements, posting newborn pictures, I have people asking when the next one is coming, all I can think is, what if it doesn’t happen again?

I don’t want you all to think I am bashing any of these moms for rightfully posting their joyous news, because I can assure you that I am the worst of all when it comes to posting pictures of my little guy, without even thinking it might be hurting someone. I really am happy for any couple, mother, father, whoever it be, that gets to enjoy and experience the amazing journey that of bringing a new life into the world.

I was fearful. Because even though we want children close together, I get nervous, and I’ve heard it’s normal. The nerves of wondering how you can love a child as much as you love the child you have. I am head over heels for our son. He’s just amazing, smart, funny, sweet, social, the best. I get scared of having to be able to split myself between a baby and a toddler. I get nervous because I would never want Greyson to feel cheated on his childhood because we would need to focus on a sibling. I would never want him to feel second best to any other family member, because really, they should all be equal.

Honestly, I was hopeful. I was hopeful that it was real, because it means I could stop worrying about trying to get pregnant, even though I’m also a worrier when I am pregnant. Seriously though, these emotions are crazy. When you aren’t worrying about trying to get pregnant, all I could do is wonder how my little baby was doing when I was pregnant. I was so bad, I bought one of the little dopplers to hear the heartbeat. I could always check on my little guy. I was hopeful though, that we could stop worrying about how and when it would happen and it would just be. I was hoping that Greyson could be an older brother, that it would be enough time to maybe announce at his 1st birthday or around Easter, I was hopeful that it was real.

And I ended up being disappointed. I cried after I took two more tests and they were a stark white, one-lined, big fat negative. My husband consoled me, but I knew he had been excited as well. It was really hard swallowing that reality. I had been so excited that there was the possibility of a new baby, a new pregnancy, a new year, and a new adventure.

Instead, I ended up grieving a baby that never existed. I felt disappointed, sad, and I regretted ever looking at that stupid test after the time was over (and I’ve learned my harsh lesson).

It was hard, because it felt like something had been taken away from me, that I never even got to enjoy. And although I have never (I hope to never have to experience), I can only imagine what a miscarriage feels like. I honestly pray and am very empathetic to mothers who have gone through that loss, because I only had a little piece of that, and I was heartbroken.

So now, I feel blessed again. I have a very healthy, amazing, perfect child. We have time on our side, and I know that another baby will happen, because if I can’t hope for that, what is there? I believe that if you want something badly enough, you can make it work. I don’t want to discourage anyone, if anything, I hope that you hold onto your hope. You count your blessings, because I can see two right before me. An amazing husband, who loves me, supports me, and is willing to help me however I need it for us to have a family and our precious son, which I am so lucky to call my own.

Follow Your Instincts.

Besides life being crazy, which is totally norm now, it seems like there’s always, always, always something going on with Greyson!

First, a cold, then a rash, then an ear infection, another viral rash, and these unidentified scratches on his legs!

I always thought that these cuts on his legs (upper thigh), near his private area, were from him. I thought he was scratching himself during diaper changes, because he does have little razor sharp nails, no matter how often we trim them. I felt terrible about him having these little cuts! Seriously though, baby nails are like daggers, any mom knows this.

Anyways, we started giving him toys to hold during his diaper changes and they were still appearing! I knew there was something wrong, but I couldn’t quite pin it down.

Then, I pieced it together. Baby G just started army crawling and pulling himself to sitting position. Even though the Pampers Swaddlers were great for when he was immobile, these diapers were the problem! The yellow tab that pulls over, would bunch up when he was sitting or crawling, and dig into his leg. If you feel those tabs, they do NOT have soft edges. I decided to experiment, just to make sure that I was right. I knew that it was the problem, but my husband didn’t believe me. He was not convinced the diapers were the problem  and that we could keep using them. So, I bought two packs of other diapers. I bought the Honest Company Diapers and the Target Brand Up & Up diapers.

Here’s how the experiment went:

His leg with Pampers:

I was right. After a day or two of wearing another brand, his leg was healed. No more cuts since. If you compare the edges on the tabs on the Pampers Swaddlers to The Honest Company ones, there’s a hugeeeeee difference.

So here’s what I did: I called the company to complain. After explaining the problem, the girl, named Jessica, proceeded to tell me I should probably just put the tabs higher.

Uh, thanks “Jessica”, but I think I know that the placement of the tabs isn’t the problem. Anyways, they are sending me a gift card, but it’s funny. I posted the picture online, and I got the “oh my gosh, please contact us!”. On the phone, without seeing it, they acted like I was just lying and over-exaggerating about it. Like, I know it wasn’t a huge cut, but the reason I was worried is because with the scratch above, there was actually dried blood on his diaper. Let me tell you, follow your instincts, they’re there for a reason.

I knew it and even though I wasn’t sure, I knew it wasn’t him scratching. He couldn’t possibly be scratching when we had our eyes on him during diaper changes and he was holding something while we changed him (the only exposure time). The Up & Up diapers were nice, but not as absorbent as the Honest Company ones, he ended up leaking through them onto his clothing multiple times, which is why we decided to go with Honest Company!

So, I am now a subscriber of The Honest Company diapers and I love it! I want to tell you, in case you have or are considering switching diapers. I get the Diaper/Wipes Bundle at $79.95 a month, but you can change your delivery date the following month if you need them sooner/later. You get 6-Jumbo Packs of Diapers (I get Size 5, which have 25 Diapers Each), but next month instead of 6, we are getting 5 and using the option to get a pack of Overnight Diapers (available in Sizes 3-6). Diapers alone, would be $84 with the 6 Regular Packs, $88 with the 5 Packs/ 1 Overnight, plus you get wipes! You get 4 packs of 72 count wipes, which is normally $18.95. You get all of it delivered to you for $79.95. They offer specials a lot of the time, so you can get discounts! To me, it’s totally worth it. We added up and it’s only $10 more than we would regularly spend on diapers. We can appreciate the fun prints, we currently have the bow ties and dinosaurs! The tabs are so much softer on the edges and I’m so glad we switched.

Dino Print! Rawr!

Overnight Diapers!

If you are interested in subscribing, you can check it out here: http://www.honest.com/refer_to/945710

Use the code SHOP10 to get $10 off your first order!

I wanted to make sure I was protecting my child. I couldn’t believe that something we relied on and trusted, was the problem!

I did check it out on Facebook and on BabyCenter Community and found multiple other women who had the same problem, but thought it was their little one, not the diapers.

Let me leave you with this: Remember that even though you child is capable of some things, they’re not always going to be the cause, and you need to trust your instincts.

If you have had this problem with Pampers as well, I would suggest contacting their customer service to see how they can help.

 

 

Time for a Change!

I’m very excited and nervous about the current changes going on in my life. In about 3 weeks, I will have graduated with my B.A. in Psychology, I’ll be applying to graduate programs, and I actually just signed up to be an Independent Consultant for Usborne Books & More!

A little while back, I met a consultant and decided to host a party. We love their books, especially for Greyson! They have an amazing selection for helping to develop his senses, particularly in the touch and feel books! We stumbled across their line, “That’s not my…” and we love every single one!

Not to mention their Wind-Up books, because he could just watch the train go around the book track for hours (literally).

I didn’t anticipate doing this, especially making this kind of a decision so quickly, but I am very excited and I love people and kids and reading, so it’s a perfect combination deal for me! We also need some extra cash flow, because we are really saving for a house come the summer! (Plus, in March, someone will be turning 1 already!).

I’m thinking that with my retail experience, I hopefully can attract people to host parties, because I know they will fall in love with these books, just like I have!

The best part is that you don’t have to throw an actual party! You can do it all on Facebook, just like I did! It’s so easy & it’s a great way to earn free and discounted books (especially before the Holidays!). With the upcoming Holidays, these are the perfect gifts and stocking stuffers for all of the children in your life!

Plus, I’m totally all for books over all of the newer age technology. I understand that the technology really keeps children involved and enthralled, it’s great that they can have these advancements in their lives that we didn’t have growing up, but I want him to have a childhood. I don’t want him to grow up so fast, I want him to be creative, have an imagination, and want to read. I can remember sitting in my room reading the Magic Treehouse Series, the Animal Ark series, and learning from those. It made me use my imagination and creativity, so I hope he can appreciate these books when he’s older! I know I already love them and I can’t wait to put in my Christmas order!

In case you want to take a look around or order some of these amazing books: http://w4991.myubam.com

If you would be interested in hosting a Facebook party, you can e-mail me at: ajweiser@cedarcrest.edu

 

Holy Craziness

This has pretty much been the week from hell.

That’s about the only sentence that can sum up the last week of my life. Sure, sure, we all have bad moments, bad days, but this was just a terrible, terrible week.

Let’s begin it with all the badness that was my life:

We had to take in our Toyota RAV4 to get brakes, but of course there were 2 other problems with it (only one of which was covered under warranty), and it was $600. $600!!! (do you know how many diapers that is?!?)

Two days later, our Toyota Corolla went into the shop, because the battery light went on while my husband was driving it to work. $250 later, the water pump (which was broken), is fixed. That day, I had to take him to work, go to the grocery store, go to class, come home from class, pick up my husband, drop my husband off to pick up our car, and then go to work.

The night after that, I tried to help out my husband (of course I should have known this would end badly), and fix his car phone charger (which he accidentally broke), and I tried it in the car (just on accessory). Too bad I forgot my keys in the car and left it on accessory all night, which resulted in a dead battery. Thankfully, it was jumped and fine after that, but it wasn’t a great way to wake up.

That same day, I went shopping with Greyson to the mall, where I was bombarded by a pushy sales woman at BareMinerals, who insisted I needed bronzer because of how pale I am (gee thanks, like I needed a reminder) and had to stop at Target. When we got out of the car, I picked up Greyson to get him in the stroller, and poop everywhere. Poop all over him, coming out of his leg though his overalls, all over my new sweatshirt, all over his carseat.

I called my husband, who came to help me clean up, but I took him right to the doctors. Prior to this major poop incident, he had been spitting up and had loose stools for almost 2 weeks, plus we found another rash on his back. After a doctors appointment, Greyson has another virus. This is his 3rd or 4th in the last two months. My poor baby.

I worked Friday night and got home at about 10 pm, and I felt a lump on the back of my dog’s back. I looked in the light and there’s a giant freaking engorged disgusting tick on the back of her neck. I freaked out and we tried everything to get that sucker off. We ended up pulling it off and luckily, all of it came out. So, emergency vet appointment Saturday morning, where we had to make another appointment for 4 weeks from now to get her tested for Lyme. My poor dog. She does really bad with shots, she actually can’t walk the next day because she’s so sore (which is why her vet recommended she not get the Lyme vaccine), so now I’ll be freaking out for the next 4 weeks until she’s tested.

After this week, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

But instead, yesterday, we went to this little Holiday Bazaar at a local church, which was lovely. My husband (may) have gotten (ordered) part of my Christmas present.

After we were done, we went out to the graveyard, where my Pop-pop was buried, nearly 12 years ago.

As a 22 year old, going to the grave to visit my deceased family members is not something I have often done. After finding his stone and sitting with him, I felt guilty. I felt upset. I felt selfish.

How can I feel selfish about not visiting someone who isn’t with us? I felt guilty all over again, for not spending more time with him while he was alive. I felt guilty that even though I was with him now, I hadn’t taken the 5 minutes to come visit him before. This was the (probably) second time I had visited him since he was buried, but it’s not something I had thought about.

I felt all the emotions. I was happy that my son got to visit his Great Pop-Pop. I was longing for him to actually be here to meet my son. I was missing him all over and remembering some of my fondest memories of him.

With all of the negative emotions I had been feeling this week, I was finally allowing myself to release them. I was no longer going to keep bottling them in. I cried, long and hard, about everything and I instantly felt better.

i knew we had the money for the care they would be safer now that they were fixed. I knew that no matter what happens with Greyson, he is very happy and we have good health insurance. I knew with Kita, our dog, we would be willing to do whatever we need to do to help her if she does have Lyme. I knew cancer was the reason for my Pop-Pop being gone and there wasn’t anything that my 10 year old self could have done to change that would have made a difference.

With life, I knew this was a bad week. But in another week or two, it would all be a memory. I wouldn’t remember any of it and I’ll have moved on with my life. I have to move forward feeling lighter and more positive.

I have to mention, my pop pop was known for finding loose change, and ironically, as we found his grave, my mom found a penny. Ironically, it’s not that ironic.

Thanks, I didn’t notice it before.

One of the problems with having a child that has a skin condition, is that everybody notices it. I love my child and to me, he is the most beautiful thing on Earth. He is perfect & I wouldn’t change him for anything. Other people, however, notice every flaw with children. Despite the fact that they say he’s adorable and cute, they always point out to me when he has a flare up of eczema. They try to say it nicely, but trust me, I noticed it before then.

I don’t know if they think I didn’t notice it, but I don’t owe them an explanation. In all honesty, maybe they think they’re being nice, in case I really didn’t notice the red, bumpy, dry, scaly, bloody (because Greyson is constantly scratching at it) rash on his head. But, you don’t need to point it out. I saw it. I’ve been seeing it. I took him to the pediatrician when he was two weeks old. They told me it was just cradle cap. I took him to the doctor again when he was 3 months old. They told me it was eczema. I’ve been moisturizing him constantly. I took him to the allergist, he tested negative for everything they tested him for. I’m trying so hard. I just don’t know what to say. I feel bad for him, I hate that he’s always scratching. I trim his nails regularly, we try to put hats on him, but it’s so hot out right now, I think it would make it itchier. Whenever I see him doing it, I move his hands away.

Today, my mom was shopping for a new car & we went with. Greyson had a flare up more so on one side of his head, a small patch on the front of his head, and a small patch on his cheek. The car salesman was very, very, very nice, I don’t want to make him sound coldhearted or anything, but he joked about how my child must be falling out of bed already, because of his head. I know people think it might be bruises (even though it’s red), they think it’s something that I should be taking care of, and I’m trying. I just want people to know, I noticed my child’s condition. I’m trying, but there’s just not much I can do at this point. I’m trying to cut out dairy, just in case that’s what it is. The pediatrician is not concerned and they told me he’ll outgrow it eventually.

Greyson Today

Although you might want to say something to a parent, if you notice a “flaw” (which none of them are flaws to me. All children are perfect. They’re beautiful.) with a child, don’t say anything to their parents about it. Let me tell you, they know. They’re trying. Pointing it out to them makes them feel even worse than they already do about it. Compliment the child on something else. My son has gorgeous blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. He’s tall and lean and the happiest boy you’ll ever meet. He has an outgoing personality, and yes, he has eczema, but that’s not what’s going to define him. He’s going to outgrow it and he’s perfect just the way he is.

So, just in case you ever think about it, don’t say it. We know & we’re trying the hardest we can.

School & other things that require too much time.

One of the hardest things I am doing and one of the best things I am doing is finishing school.

I just started yesterday, which is why I didn’t get to post. I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, but my life is anything but boring. Mondays and Wednesdays I have class from 1:00-4:00, then I meet with my professor for another class on Mondays. On top of that, I’m trying to find time for a lab that’s about an hour long. Then, most nights I work from 6 to 9:30. Repeat. Maybe I get a shower, definitely get starbucks.

After I found out I was pregnant, I was really nervous about my college career. I found out on July 18. Originally, I was going to finish on time, May 2015. I thought I would be able to do it all, I was due March 22. After starting out my Fall semester, just 3-4 months pregnant, I needed a nap after I got home from class every day. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was exhausted and the baby wasn’t even here yet. I went back and forth and back and forth. There were tears and stress and doubt and all types of negative thoughts from being unsure about whether I should finish in May or delay my graduation. After much deliberation, I decided it was more important that I take time to be with my baby boy and adjust to parenthood. I am so happy now that I decided to do that. I figured out a way to make my Fall Semester work, with 14 credits and 1 summer class. The next 14 weeks are going to be hell for me.

It’s going to be stressful, time consuming, hard work, and I know I’m not going to have as much time for my baby.

Last First Day of my Fall Semester.

The good news: it’s only 14 weeks. 14 weeks separate me from a B.A. in Psychology and a B.S. in Neuroscience.

I have to retake my GRE’s and apply to programs to go for my Masters.

14 weeks.

14 Weeks to get a better life for my husband, myself, and my little boy is not a lot of time considering the lifetime I’m going to have with them.

If I can do it, so can you!

Starbucks even motivated me on my first day. ❤

Starbucks Loves Me

You do you.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I definitely was not in the best shape I could be in. I started drinking smoothies, downing more water bottles than I had ever had in my whole life, and making sure I didn’t really have any junk food. No caffeine, no nothing. When I was around 20 weeks, I had only gained 5 lbs., I wasn’t showing at all (or barely).

20 Weeks & only a little bump!

Buttttttt then I started gaining weight. I had Thanksgiving…and Christmas…and New Year’s…and my husband started caving in on letting me have my cravings. I would always go for something really sweet and then really salty. I actually never had any huge cravings, other than milk. I would go through 2-3 gallons of whole milk by myself in a week.

I kept feeling worse about myself, but at the same time, I loved being so pregnant, I had the waddle until the end. Some people, I think, just thought I was fat. I don’t think they thought I was pregnant, they thought I was fat. I always made it a point to talk about being pregnant, just so they would know. I definitely had the roundness to my belly, but I felt like I was getting back handles & front handles. I was 40 weeks and 6 days when I gave birth and until the end of my pregnancy I gained 42 lbs. I worried about how I was going to lose it. How terrible would I look after having a baby. How I would carry my baby weight with me for the rest of my life. I felt so much pressure, just because of how quickly women can bounce back from having babies. My cousin and sister in law both looked amazing after having children.

Only 34 weeks and I felt huge.

We pass too much judgement on mothers. We barely have enough time to shower more than twice a week, let alone go to a gym. If I could get to a gym or go downstairs on the treadmill, I would, but my little one (at only 5 months) is so active, I barely get time to sit down to pay the bills. I’m allowed to take 5 minutes for myself.

I already had body image issues prior to pregnancy, I could only imagine what it would be like after having a baby. Not to mention, when I was pregnant, I developed stretch marks everywhere. All over my belly, these spidery, tiger stripes on my belly, my sides, a few on my lower back…I felt so self conscious about them. I tried different lotions, but nothing helped.

After I gave birth, I got weighed 4 days postpartum and I was both relieved and disappointed when I only lost 17 lbs. I thought I would have lost more, but I was excited that almost half of the baby weight was gone just from 4 days.

I have to say, a key factor in losing the weight was breastfeeding. I feel like life is so hectic, and honestly, I envy the mothers who can get 3-square meals a day without interruption. I barely get 1-2 meals, because I’m feeding the baby, cleaning the house, pumping, working, etc. I always want to make sure my child is taken care of before myself. Anyways, the weight started coming off. I think I was 1 month postpartum when I tried on my pants and only 1 pair fit. That was it. I was disappointed. I had lost about 25-30 lbs. by then and I felt like they should be fitting better. Another month, I tried them on and they fit. I now had 3 pairs of jeans (too bad it’s summer). My maternity pants were now too big for me to wear, they would slide right down (and that’s just an accident waiting to happen).

I am now 6 days away from being 5 months postpartum. I weighed myself this morning and I am 1.5lbs. away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I still have my stretch marks and I still have loose skin on my belly, but you know what? I am so proud & so happy that I am so close to one of my goals. I want to be able to lose more weight. I want to be able to have my son be proud of me. I want to be able to chase after my son. I want to feel good about myself. Today, I wore a size 12 dress to a bridal shower. I felt so good.

Only 1.5 lbs to go!

I’m slowly getting better with my self acceptance. I actually just went and had my hair done, I dyed it & got it cut.

I have accepted my body for how it is, stretch marks and all.

I think of it as the “mark of motherhood”. It’s perfectly imperfect. It was worth every moment. I would do it all over again (and I definitely will when we’re ready for another baby).

I mean really, I’m like a tiger with these stripes!

This is the mark of motherhood:

My Perfect Imperfection

Share your perfect imperfections!

Crazy Life.

I feel like life has been nothing but crazy lately & it’s going to get even crazier.

Having a 4 & 1/2 month old is nothing to sneeze at. Everyone always jokes with me, “Wait until he can crawl or walk or run”. Yeah, I know he’ll get there soon, but trust me, he keeps me on my toes already!

Despite the fact that I do have a part-time job, I am still in school.

In fact, on Monday I begin my last semester of college with a double major in Psychology and Neuroscience. I just finished my summer class, which was hectic city.

Along with school & work, I have a baby. Baby’s require lots of attention, especially from this mama who wants to be there for all of the milestones. I could put him in daycare, which I understand some moms have to do to make it work, but I want to be with him. I want to witness all of his biggest accomplishments. My sister in law had to work and missed a lot of precious moments with my niece. I feel like after seeing and hearing about people missing on their children’s childhood and infanthood (not a word, but you get what I mean), I don’t want to miss another moment.

Luckily, my mom watches my little one when I have class, so he still gets that “motherly” bonding time. Not to mention, I have to try to keep the house clean, dishes done, laundry folded, cats & dog fed, somehow come up with a dinner plan (not to mention grocery shopping). Sometimes my head might explode.

But then I remember to take a deep breath & remember what someone once told me.

The laundry can wait. The dishes will be there tomorrow. The dust will be there too. Take time for yourself & your family, because it’s what I’ve been reiterating.

This little one, will only be little once.

We want more children, this is the time we have with Greyson while he’s an only child. I never want him to feel unloved or unwanted. I want to capture as many experiences as I can with him. Going in the pool, going to the zoo, going to fairs, going to visit and experience new & different places. I want to cultivate his imagination & help him experience the world. Give him an open mind. I want to be the best parent I can be.

In other news, I’m not a big “share this” person, but I did enter Greyson in a contest to get free pictures done!! Please vote for my little beach baby!

http://a.pgtb.me/Mw6chB/hVLGX?w=35821306&e=99293359